…be kind.
Simple enough, right?
I just finished reading a book called Lincoln in the Bardo by George Saunders. I wouldn't say it was my favorite book (I gave it 3 stars on Good Reads) but there were definitely some great messages throughout, including this one about Abraham Lincoln's mental state after losing his son Willie to typhoid:
“[Lincoln's] mind was freshly inclined toward sorrow; toward the fact that the world was full of sorrow; that everyone labored under some burden of sorrow;... that whatever way one took in this world, one must try to remember that all were suffering, and therefore one must do what one could to lighten the load of those with whom one came into contact.”
At first glance, the quote reads pretty dismal..."the world is full of sorrow," etc. But there are a couple underlying messages here that, as I was reflecting, I realized I wanted to share.
The first, and perhaps most obvious message is that of doing your best to treat each and every person you encounter in your day-to-day life with kindness. When I was working on the sign above with the jar of felt flowers, I wasn’t sure exactly what phrase to paint over top of the jar. I was working on this project around the same time that I was reading Lincoln in the Bardo and came across the aforementioned passage. That’s when I knew the simple phrase “Be kind” was what I would go with.
Listen… before I go any further, I will not even pretend to act like practicing kindness always is the easiest habit in the world. Personally, patience is not a virtue in which I would consider myself abundantly endowed (See: My frustration with slow sidewalk walkers, waiting for food delivery when I’m hangry, etc.). I get that certain people/personalities can just really grind your gears. You too are entitled to your share of bad days when you just don’t feel like putting your best foot forward. Seriously, I get it.
But today I’m offering up a challenge to everyone, myself included. And the challenge comes in the form of a quote from the Dalai Lama:
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
It’s always possible. It’s always your choice to make. Even with that person who cuts you off in the grocery store parking lot or the one who calls you at work and dishes you attitude right off the bat. The truth of the matter is, that person might be struggling to cope with a mental illness. They might have a loved one who was recently given a rough diagnosis that has rocked their world. They might have accidentally lost an irreplaceable family heirloom while walking down the street. They might have just lost their job and are doing everything they can to make ends meet. Or they might have simply had a “Comedy of Errors”/”Murphy’s Law” sort of day.
These people take their frustration out on you and, while that’s not right or fair to you, matching their anger or frustration with kindness might just give them a wake up call from their slump. You might be the reminder that goodness is out there, even in the midst of the hot pile of garbage they may have been dealt recently. Your kindness may be the only ray of sunshine they have that day, and it may be the sole thing keeping someone from throwing in the towel. You truly never know.
The other thing this quote has me thinking about was the concept of suffering as a uniting human condition.
Again, it feels a little weird for me to focus on something negative like suffering as something that has the power to unify everyone. I mean everyone.
The quote from Lincoln in the Bardo that I mentioned above actually continues past the part I quoted and says, “…His current state of sorrow was not uniquely his, not at all, but, rather, its like had been felt, would be felt, by scores of others, in all times, in every time.”
In our current time, a time wrought with such division and divisiveness, it is sometimes easy to feel like you have nothing in common with certain people. Their views on politics, religion, child rearing, or how they take their coffee may be totally different than you, but the fact of the matter is that every single person experiences loss and sorrow in their lifetime. It’s an unfortunate, but unavoidable part of the human condition. If nothing else, we are able to connect and empathize with this part of each other.
And speaking of empathy, I have found this particular trait to be a powerful tool in spreading kindness. Those who have experienced suffering face the choice of how they will let that experience shape them. Understandably, suffering can harden many people. And that may not be their choice, but more a necessary coping mechanism depending on a person’s unique situation or environment. But if you allow it, I believe that suffering can open your heart to deeper compassion for others in the form of empathy.
I have experienced this through my personal struggles with anxiety and depression. I feel like knowing what it’s like to be in the grips of anxiety or in the lowest lows of depression has given me a sensitivity to other’s similar struggles as well as a unique platform from which to extend a hand in kindness to that person. “You don’t know how I feel” or “You can’t possibly understand what I’m going through” are ideas that close people off. But when you know what that person is going through because you have been there yourself, you are uniquely positioned to have a great impact on that person through kindness.
So the message here is simple: It's so important to be kind. Not just nice, but kind. And I think today's a good a day as any to start small with a random act of kindness, what do you think?
To help you out, here’s a few ideas of some small, kind actions that can make a big difference today:
Text a friend you haven’t talked to in a while and let them know you were thinking about them
Pay for the person’s coffee in line behind you at Starbucks
Compliment your significant other, a friend, or even a stranger - throw compliments around like confetti!
Exercise (self-kindness counts too!)
Leave a small business a raving online review
Write encouraging notes, go to a bookstore and stick them in random books for an unsuspecting purchaser
Buy a person experiencing homelessness a meal
Drop a dollar in the next tip jar you see
Sign up to volunteer at an animal shelter
With love & kindness,
